I wanted to share a piece of my heart on here today, a glimpse inside my story. I pray you are encouraged in whatever season you are in.
A little over six years ago, the Lord gave me a passion to start a photography business. It’s been a process of learning, failing, and finding success in lots of tiny moments. And since the very beginning, I have loved telling others “This is the Lord’s business. It will only grow if He wants it to. The business I have comes from Him.” Through His grace and direction, I have done my best to run this business for His glory, not mine. And He has been so faithful. He has added to my clients and allowed me to watch families grow as I photograph them year after year. It makes my heart burst with joy.
My dream has always been to work full-time with this photography business and six months ago I began that journey. I was able to stop working at the job I had for over seven years and focus full time on photography. My husband and I had started praying about this before we got married and were very confident the Lord was leading us to make this decision and that this was the time to do so. This had been a dream of mine for so long, I couldn’t believe it was actually happening!
Walking out the doors of my job that last day, I had such high hopes and expectations of what would happen, what the Lord was going to begin. I had been given TIME. Time to wrap myself in my passion. Time to be creative. Time to do photo sessions that I had not been able to do before. I would get to do all my photo sessions and editing as my day job instead of at night!
I began doing photography full-time right in the midst of my busy season. After about a month, it was as if the Lord said, “it’s time to wait again.” I have been given time. But He has not provided me with the photo sessions I thought would be coming my way, the ones I’ve had for years. Instead, I have had times of fear, rejection and failure sweeping over me. I have ideas, but over and over again I have hit brick walls. I know the Lord is in control and He has allowed me to do other things I never would have been able to do before, but my heart is aching to photograph sweet families and children. And as time continues on, I am filled with more and more questions.
“Where are my clients? Why am I not getting to do the thing I love doing? Is my photography not good enough? I thought this is what I was created to do! And yet, I feel like I’m failing. I feel as if you do not hear my cries for wisdom and answers. Others will think I made a mistake, when I KNOW this is what you called me to do.”
Waiting seasons are hard. Feeling like you are alone in this trial is hard. Trusting the Lord with fears, time, finances, and lack of doing that which you love doing is hard. I do not know the answers to so many of the questions I’ve had for the past 5 months, but I do know this: The Lord is good to those whose hope is in Him. He is good to those who wait on Him to pour out His mercy and His plan. I have known the joy that comes through waiting on the Lord and have seen the beauty of His faithfulness. I know that I was not created to do photography, but to bring glory to the name of the Lord. I trust that even when life is so hard and confusing, He is STILL GOOD. And He is STILL WORKING and has great plans for my life. And even when I feel like I shouldn’t be vulnerable because it will ruin my “business reputation” or will cause others to realize I’m not “succeeding” in my plan, I know that I gave my life to HIM. And when I did that, I made a commitment to Him that I would not concern myself what brings about the praise of man, but what glorifies my Father. Sometimes, that’s easier said than done.
So even now, in this valley that is so hard, and in the fear that this business will not grow, I will proclaim that He is still good. He is still God. And because of that, I can find my joy in worshipping Him.